Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Brother and Soccer

I caught a little bit of the Sean Hannity Show yesterday on my way home from work, and he had libertarian Neal Boortz on. Neal is apparently no longer a slave to political correctness, as per his latest book, and Hannity was praising him for his willingness to take on different cultures, races, genders, religions and so on and so forth. Boortz then did have something to say on the subject of religion, but Hannity immediately shushed him up. Cause there's nothing wrong with pissing on Blacks or Hispanics or gays, but Christians are a little more sensitive.

So rather than taking a shot at Christians, Hannity and Boortz started talking about kids who play Soccer. If you are from another part of the world, Soccer is the game you guys call football. We call it soccer over here cause we have another game we call football (It's like a wussy version of rugby).

Anyway Boortz's point was that Soccer makes men into wusses - and that's the whole point. Overprotective mothers jam their kids into soccer because they don't want their kids to get hit by baseballs or tackled. This has a feminizing effect on the boys who play soccer.

My brother played in a Soccer league when he was a kid. I did not. I played Junior High Football and Church Basketball and Softball. And if you stand me and my brother up against a wall you can really tell. While I was making my way through the rough and tumble world of college history departments, my brother joined the Marines - a soft path if ever there was one. I guess playing Soccer must have drained all the manliness out of him, poor dope. Still he could kick my ass pretty easily so maybe I'd better not carry this joke too far.

Actually it's his birthday today - so Happy Birthday Brother. Your present is at home sitting on my counter I realize, so it might be late.

As for Soccer if I was Superman, after making a bunch of diamonds out of coal, I'd burst into Hannity studio and take him and Boortz to Manchester or Scotland and force them to play on a Soccer team. Not one of the big ones - just a local one. And we'd get to see what kind of men they really are. I suspect they wouldn't last long, as manly as they are.

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