The Absent Minded Terrorist - A Playlet

Scene 1.

(A small crappy appartment space containing a couch and a tv. Sitting on the couch is Snarly Pete, who is watching TV, as Explaining Eddie walks in.)

TV Announcer: As a reaction to the September 11 attacks, congress has passed the Patriot Act which gives Law Enforcement agencies the ability to moniter international financial transactions handled by an industry-owned cooperative in Belgium called the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Communication, or SWIFT.

Explaining Eddie. You know what this means, right Snarly Pete? We can't send money through any bank connected to SWIFT. We'll have to use some other means to get money to our terrorist buddies.

Snarly Pete Yeah. I'll have to watch that. (House Lights Drop)

Act II

(scene is the same as before, except Explaining Eddie isn't there because frankly I'm already sick of him.)

TV Announcer: Today in 2002 Bush administrations boasted that their surveillance of SWIFT has enabled them to keep moneys from getting from one terrorist to another. An unclassified report prepared for the UN Security Council by Bush Administration officials specifically references their ability to tap into SWIFT transactions and monitor them.

Snarly Pete: Oh yeah - I'd better not wire any money on using the SWIFT system. (House Lights Drop)

Act III

(scene is the same as before.)

TV Announcer: Today, in 2003, Bush Administration officials revealed that their capture of Hambali, a key leader of Al-Qaeda in Southeast Asia, was benefited by their ability to surveil transactions made on the SWIFT system.

Snarly Pete: What a dummy. Why everybody knows that if you send money on the SWIFT system it's as good as giving Uncle Infidel your business card and a time when you will be home.(House Lights Drop)

Act IV

(scene is the same as before, save that Snarly Pete is on the phone.)

Snarly Pete: What? Your plan to blow the heck out of stuff is stalled because you are out of money? Don't worry I'll get you some. (hangs up phone) Only one thing to do. I'll send him money using the SWIFT system! Thank goodness for international banks.

TV Announcer: Today the New York Times revealed that President Bush has in place a plan to monitor international funds transfers using the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Communication, or SWIFT. Other newspapers, such as the Wall Street Journal and the LA Times have confirmed this information.

Snarly Pete: That's right. Now I remember. I can't use the SWIFT account. Thank you American Media - without your help, absent minded terrorists like me wouldn't stand a chance. Now where did I put that C4? (Sits down, set blows up)

This little playlet was inspired by this Boston Globe Story. Your beloved Blog-O-Fascist commands you to put it on at your earliest convienence.