Your Weekly Rush

We have an exclusive fake interview with Rush Limbaugh. Yes, we caught up with Rush Limbaugh and asked him some questions about the recent presidential debate; and he graciously, but not in reality, gave us the answers we needed.

MMAC: So you watched the Debate the other night; what did you notice?

Limbaugh: Ron Brownstein from the Los Angeles Times really hammered John F. Kerry on gay marriage, and all Kerry could do was stammer, "I was clear!"

MMAC: Kerry stammered? I didn't get that impression. And, in fact, Kerry's position on Gay Marriage is clear. Here was his statement this very week. "While I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, for 200 years, this has been a state issue. I oppose this election year effort to amend the Constitution in an area that each state can adequately address, and I will vote against such an amendment if it comes to the Senate floor.

I believe the best way to protect gays and lesbians is through civil unions." That seems clear enough to me.

Limbaugh: Brownstein in effect said, "Clear about what? You haven't answered my question. The only way to stop gay marriages, which you're against, is with a constitutional amendment. You agree with Bush!" Kerry and John Edwards finally said they're against gay marriage, but they practically whispered it.

MMAC: Is the only way to stop people who abuse over the counter drugs to eliminate them entirely? Is the only way to stop alcoholism to outlaw alcohol? Obviously no; and in both cases, it seems that adopting the all or nothing approach will not work. John Kerry and President Bush seem to recognize Gay Marriage as a problem, but disagree on how to approach it.

Limbaugh: Remember, don't call Kerry on his flip-flops or cite his record. That's "questioning his patriotism."

MMAC: Actually questioning his patriotism is questioning his patriotism; which you've done plenty of times. Citing his record without distorting it would not be to your advantage, so I assume you are using citing as a replacement word for distorting.

Anyway that's all of the interview we're going to print at this time. But remember to get the "Bryant Broadside" my monthly newsletter full of distortions and unfunny cartoons. Only $19.95 plus another $19.95 plus Tax, Shipping, Handling, Folding, Spindling, Mutilating and Spinalizing. Remember, sending me money in no way guarantees the receipt of anything.