Novak after Dark, Episode 34, Ghosts of the Fred

It was five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. I had just killed a bottle of scotch and was trying to add punctuation to my report on the Plame Case. Reports always go better with punctuation.

There was a knock at the door, and my favorite client popped in, Mr. Rove. Rove wasn't much to look at, but he had a fat wallet and an inside line on many of my cases. He sat down, and said, "Look Novak, we've got someone we need you to do some background work on." He slid a picture across the desk.

It was Hanoi Jane at a rally, and there, three rows back, circled, was the Kerry. "This guy giving you trouble, chief?"

Rove spat. "You could say that. Just get to work on him."

I did some research and found "A 34-year-old flier [that] lists speakers for an anti-Vietnam War rally at Valley Forge State Park, Pa., Sept. 7, 1970. Included were two of that era's most notorious leftist agitators, the Rev. James Bevel and Mark Lane, plus actress Jane Fonda, a symbol of extreme opposition to the war. Leading off the list was a less familiar name: John Kerry."

"A-ha" I thought to myself, "this proves that John Kerry knew and approved of Hanoi Janes trip to Vietnam in 1972. No, wait a second, that only works if Kerry has precognition." I took a drag on my cigarette. "But it does prove that Kerry opposed the Vietnam war." I pounded my fist into the desk and said "I've got him. I'll bet nobody knows that Kerry protested against the Vietnam war."

Excited with this fruitful line of investigation I quickly started combing through the records of an organization entitled Vietnam Veterans against war that Senator Kerry had some connection to. I found some minutes to a meeting Kerry attended where they ominously planned to coordinate their schedules with Jane Fonda. Perhaps this proved that he had traveled to Vietnam with her, if their schedules were "coordinated?" No, unfortunately. By 1972 he was running for office and had little to do with Ms. Fonda.

I found minutes to another meeting where they decided not to hang an American flag in their offices, but it's unclear whether Kerry attended that meeting. Still by placing the two together in my report I can imply that the Kerry approved of not hanging the flag.

Then I got a call from Rove. "Look Novak, you gotta make Kerry look worse than my . . . interests." I slammed the phone down, but I wasn't angry. It's just that slamming the phone down makes for good television. I reviewed Rove's man's record, and it turned out there was some flap about him being a national guardsman while Kerry was off in Vietnam and then protesting. It looked to me like the matter was cleared up, but some of my less responsible colleague's were still sniffing around.

The fools didn't know who was calling the shots; always better to work for the big dogs, even if they leave you out to dry on occasion.

Taken from Robert Novaks column today.