A Brief Commercial Announcement

I have recently expanded my commercial empire, and just in time for this time of gift giving.

Many of you, no doubt, have heard of the idea of naming a star after a loved one as a gift. How old-fashioned. The new way to commemorate your loved ones is to name a cactus after them.

Yes, I've recently came into the possession of a field of nearly a thousand cacti in south central New Mexico. For the low fee of $49.99, my assistant, Walter, will find a cactus and with a felt tip pen neatly write the name on the cactus. (We were initially using a knife to carve your name into a cactus but, well, walter wasn't all that careful and the patients kept dying).

Think about that, your special cactus will actually have your name on it. Can those star people claim that? Are they flying out into space and writing your loved one's name on the star of your choice? I don't think so. (That would be pretty cool though). But if you ever travel to south central New Mexico you can actually see your cactus with your loved ones name on it.

So think about it won't you? Naming a Cactus after a loved one is more than just a good idea, it's the law.