Tuesday, October 04, 2005

President Bush Nominates Toddler to Supreme Court

President Bush, in a stunning move, withdrew the nomination of Harriet Miers, and nominated 3 year old Sally-Jo Roberson. This surprise move stunned many Democrats who note Ms. Roberson's lack of judicial background. Said Senater Reid, "The Nominee not only has a scant record. She has no record. How are we going to evaluate the fitness of this individual."

Conservative commentator Cal Thomas noted, "What really frusterates Democrats about this nominee is the lack of a record. It's a brilliant piece of political ju-jitsu. Not only will it be difficult for Liberals to find material to use against Sally-Jo, asking her the kinds of invasive and baseless questions they have in the past will be seen as mean-spirited."

In a small Press Conference, Ms. Roberson was asked about her political and judicial beliefs. She characterized President Bush as "a nice man who boughted some lemonade when he came to visit daddy." When asked about Democratic opposition to her nomination, she said "Sticks and stones might brake my bones but names will never hurt me." She also suggested that if she were on the bench she might make the Democrats take a "time-out."

The Political Activist group Move-On.Org issued a statement suggestion that the nominees lack of written decisions underlined the importance of asking her tough questions when she appeared before the Senate Judiciary committee.

The Conservative Heritage Foundation announced that they were replacing the word Foundation with Funk-Nation in an attempt to court the youth of America. They also expressed concern that President Bush had failed to nominate a "solid conservative who has a proven track record of fidelity to the American Constitution."

In other news, this entire story is made up and didn't really happen. Except the bit about Funk-Nation. That hasn't happened yet, but I swear it's going to.

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