The Monster Speaks

I just got a message from the Monster and I am bringing it to you unedited, once again by the directive of Senior management.

Hello this be the monster. Monster understand that there be some confusion as to the timing of some of the pictures taken during Monsters Trip. Monster want to say monster not aware of any wrong doing. Monster had some test pictures taken at scripps college the night before the tour. Monster never imagined that one of these pictures would be used in the final story. Monster shocked and saddened that such a mistake was made, but monster places the blame on Bryant. Surely the management of Make me a Commentator would never make such a mistake. Monster think such a mistake could only come from Bryant.

Monster apologize for his role in this terrible incident. Monster taking sabbatical to think about situation.

I have to say I find the Monster's words baffling, but I am not allowed to editorialize on this situation.

A Statement

I would just like to assert that I am aware of the allegations made by Grumbly Muffin over our series of stories involving the Monster. I am trying to get in contact with the Monster to clarify a few points, but he went on vacation immediately after filing that story, so I am having a bit of difficulty. I assure you I will not rest until this mystery is cleared up.

I remain committed to serving your commentary needs with integrity and honesty.

Edited to add. The link directly to Grumbly Muffins doesn't work, so here is a link to the post and then you can pull up the comments from there.

Irwin J. McIckleson Comments

I am presenting the following letter from Irwin J. McIckleson (a fictional 1910's plutocrat) unedited under the direction of upper management here at Make me a Commentator!!

Hooray! Hooray! All is right with the world.

When I heard that the Supreme Court had finally struck down the tyranny of the small home owners in their latest decision, I was overjoyed. For years, enterprising business owners and plutocrats such as myself have been faced with other peoples ownership of land as an obstacle to our success. It has been terrible. Having to change building and business plans to take into account the rights of insignificant insects! It is like asking a grizzly bear to respect the living space of a mosquito!

But now, thanks to the Supreme Court, the rights of the developers to build where they see fit are too be respected! No longer will they have to change plans based on the pleadings of hysterical ethnics and womenly types. Instead they will simply compensate the current land owners and move in. I prefer to throw a big pile of money into the middle of the landowners and watch them squabble over it. Entertaining, and the strongest get the most. Which is as it should be.

On another note, I note that a character known as Grumbly Muffin has raised some salient points about the accuracy of certain pictures posted at this website. I suggest that Mr. Bryant, who has served as the chief scribe at this site, answer these allegations. Ignoring them serves no purpose.

I am in discussion with the owners of this website and with the Monster who may have a statement later on today or tomorrow. Hopefully we can get this cleared up by Monday.

Round the Horn - Rookies 2005

We've apparently looked over the Liberal Coalition Lineup and seen some positions that need some shoring up. So we've added a few new players to the roster over there on the right. Let's take a look at them.

Dodecahedron delivers a might right cross with a bit about science films and how some apparently believe they are corrupting the minds of our young people.

firedoglake clears the bar with ease with some thoughts on Senator Durbin's comments and a comparison of how Democrats and Republicans deal with being attacked.

Liberty Street hits a drive to deep left field with a post about Karl Roves comments and the reaction from the internet.

Science and Politics gets out of the penalty box with an article about a real dope, who apparently can't tell a liberal protest from a conservative protest (sorry about the Penalty Box - it's the only specfically Hocky reference I could think of (I'm from Florida)).

Welcome to Gilead makes a hoop shot from the mid court with a post on Dominionist Television. He also asks a provacitive question of Liberal money men.

Of course some of our older players can still wollop the ball pretty good too.

Scoring a field goal with a brilliant piece about Flag Burning which references The American President, is Musings Musings (they and The Invisible Library have recently changed sites, so I hope I have updated the links correctly).

Hitting one of those tricky lobs where the ball kinds of spins up in the sun and you swing at it and miss by two feet is Bark Bark Woof Woof with some thoughts on David Brooks spinning like a top.

Corrente wobbles a tricky snorter with a story about a recent protest that didn't go all that well.

Bloggg, breaking the tape moments before competitors, writes about the decision of the House to restore funding to public broadcasting.

Respectful of Otters makes a fient and then lunges in to score the point with an article on Men, Rapists, and Feminism that I urge all to read and consider.

Finally, hitting it out of the park, we have All Facts and Opinions with some thoughts about Fathers and Fathers Day.

Our Wise Supreme Court Rules!

Yes, no one can deny that they have ruled many times. Like in today's case. Apparently some Connecticut residents did not want to move after New London had decided to destroy their homes, compensate the residents, and throw up a hotel and shopping area. Apparently these selfish New Londonians wanted to continue living in homes they had purchased and owned. This case made it all the way to the supreme court where our wise justices (five of them, anyway) made it clear that those New Londonians do not have the right to put their homes above the good of the community.

Justice Sandra Day O'Conner made this perfectly clear in her dissent. "Any property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party, but the fallout from this decision will not be random,'' O'Connor wrote. ''The beneficiaries are likely to be those citizens with disproportionate influence and power in the political process, including large corporations and development firms."

Surely we can all trust big businesses and local governments to use this power responsibly.

Severed Heads

For those of you who are fans of old timey industrial dance music, you might check out the Severed Heads website. There you can purchase MP3s of their albums (or his albums. Severed Heads is kind of a one man operation, although others have shown up from time to time). For starters you might enjoy Bulkhead or Rotund for Success. Bulkhead is their best of, and Rotund for Success was probably their most poppy album. Enjoy!

Townhall Report

I just read every article over at Townhall for Thursday, June 23 (as of 9:10 in the morning, more articles may be added later).

There were articles by Brent Bozell and Ann Coulter about Dick Durbin's comments from last week. Apparently he said something along the lines of "you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime -- Pol Pot or others -- that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners." Republicans do not like this being said, apparently. They are pushing the idea that we are, in fact, too nice to our prisoners (Ann Coulters article is entitled "Guantanamo loses 5-star rating."

Emmet Tyrell and Robert Novak both wrote on Senator Biden. Novak reveals that apparently Biden uses political means to achieve his ends. Shocking. Emmet Tyrell's article is devoted to calling Biden (and any other Democrat he can think of) a liar.

Ak'Bar A. Shabazz also writes on congressional matters. In this case he covers an official Senate apology for failing to pass anti-lynching laws back in the day. He did make a minor misstatement in his article though. "Many have blamed Â?southern conservativesÂ? for filibustering anti-lynching legislation. They would be more accurate if they attributed the opposition to Â?southern DemocratsÂ?. For, it was the Democratic Party that was most active in opposing civil rights legislation during that movement." While technically accurate, this formulation gives the impression that there were separaterate groups - Southern Conservatives and Southern Democrats. In fact, at that time, they were one and the same. It would be most accurate to say "Southern Conservatdemocratsrats." But perhaps accuracy isn't Mr. Shabazz's point.

Suzanne Fields rights on the sanctity of Marriage. Debra Saunders writes on PETA (wembarrassinglyngly enough, recently had some of their charges die). Larry Elder writes on how Senator Kerry's grades show him to be a dummy (compared to President Bush). Alan Reynolds writes a somewhat confusing article on why Oil Prices aren't controlled by demand for car gasoline.

This is tiring.

Terrence Jeffry comments on a subcontractor at Oak Ridge Nuclear facility who hired undocumented aliens. As you might imagine, he's opposed to that.

Cal Thomas comments that PBS and NPR are too liberal. And by too liberal, he apparently means liberal at all.

Both Ross Mackenzie and Tim Chapman do columns that collect a lot of different short themes in them. Kind of like this post really.

Finally, Michael Furtado writes a column filled with links on how Scientists will defeat Germs. Because Scientists are smart and Germs are not. And Marvin Olasky writes an article recommending his five favorite Civil War Battle Grounds for you to visit.

None of those articles is really jumping out at me to comment on so I present them all. Enjoy.

Monster Say Goodbye

Monster say Arrgghmarchgan. Monster words of fond goodbye to California. Monster be hitting that old dusty trail and wandering up and down the byways of America. Monster right wrongs and wrong rights!

Monster say he be glad to have shared this trip with you, and he hope you all have happy times and you enjoy wherever you are.

Monster say Goodbye! And Monster also wonder why nobody ever picks him up.

Monster make Environmental Point

Monster know this no be normally a site for site seeing travelogues. Normally this be a site where Bryant complains about things that no make much difference. So monster will continue in the same tradition by complaining about things that do make a difference.

Monster travel all over Los Angeles and he not see one Gazelle. Where are the Gazelles? Monster look all over. Under cars and over buildings and in trees, but there be not one gazelle anywhere!



Monster say look at those hills. Those are beautiful grayish yellow hills with stuff for gazelles to eat. There should be hundreds of gazelles leaping over those hills, but monster not see even one gazelle. This is a shame.

Gazelles be delicious. And they are good for the environment. You happy when you have a gazelle around. You know you are not going hungry. So Monster advocate the adoption of a gazelle based economy for Southern California. Monster hear big chief of California a strong man. So monster will go and see him to present my pro-gazelle agenda.

Monster say he be back later for big wrap up.

Monster Visit Jay and Bobs Secret Stash

Monster visit Jay and Bobs Secret Stash. It not so secret. It right on the street where anybody can come in. See, Monster make it inside without any difficulty.



Monster think store is pretty neat with lots of cool futuristic geegaws but not so much raw gazelle. Monster guess owners worried that raw gazelle would ruin the comics. Humans very fastidious about their painted pictures. That not the monster way.

Monster think store is pretty neat, though. Monster try to put on wings, but store people say nobody is allowed to try on the wings except Ben Affleck. Monster say I am Ben Affleck, but they say they know better. So monster bite store clerk on the knee. Monster very hungry, but not bite hard. But they kick monster out of store anyway.

Anyway the store is pretty neat for those of you who can put up with fastidious humans.

Monster Visit Ameoba Records

Monster need comforting, after rejection at Scripps College, so go to Amoeba Records to look for great tunes. Monster know you are never sad if you have song in your heart. Monster look for CDs by good Monster Band, Throbbing Gristle. Monster also like SPK and Machines of Loving Grace.

Monster encounter difficulty - High Counters. But staff at Ameoba Records helpful and friendly. Monster think Amoeba Records is the Bomb. Monster not know what that means but Monster hear others talking about it, and think it sound cool.

Monster be hungry now, go find gazelles to eat. Monster have other picture, but monster not in it. Monster can't fly, foolish humans. So it just picture.

Monster say Goodbye!

Monster Say Bah Scripss

Monsters might heart be broken. Scripps people say that they no accept males, monsters or humans. I ask to see where that written down, but they just make a laughing at me.

They also say my SAT scores no good. Well I got hungry in the middle of the test. It hard to concentrate when you are hungry. So monster get out gazelle, and all the other test takers freak out. It was like they had never seen gazelle carcass before.

Plus even if monster no have much book smarts, monster have other skills. Monster can hunt and catch own food. How many freshmens can do that?

Monster say he no need go college. He got style. Monster got class. But most of all monster have gazelle eating technique.

Monster say be back later.

Monster Goes to College

Monster visit beautiful Scripps College. Monster think he will register here.

Scripps be all females college. Which means they don't allow males. Human males. Monster bet they don't have any rules about Monster Males.

Besides Monster have passion for learning. Monster want understand the quadritic formula and the First Battle of Bull Run and the Phone Book. Monster feel that only scripps can teach him.

Monster have good feeling about this. Soon Monster will be joining the collegiate life! Monster say Go Scripps and good-bye.

Monster in Los Angeles

Well I've finally managed to get contact with the Monster. Apparently he has just arrived in Los Angeles and wanted take you on a Monster's tour through Los Angeles. Naturally I agreed to his suggestion, so for the rest of the day the Monster will have control of the site, more or less.

Monster Say ARRGURRBARGGERR

Monster in Los Angeles, great city. Monster smart. He know that LA Monsters and Peoples judge a man or a monster by his wheels. So Monster make sure to drive a vehicle that nobody can look down on. Monster the greatest! Plus, it handles really well.

Monster staying in this hotel, the Ayres Suites. Monster say, good hotel this hotel be. Stay there all the time, Monster advises. Monster love free morning bacon policy. Hooray for Ayres Suites.

Monster going to get on the road now for our first stop. Monster say getta outta me face.

New Format, New Quote

Yep. That's right. A new quote and a new format, but since I am on the road, no new Quotes Page. Maybe later on this week, maybe next week. You never know.