Monday, August 29, 2005

Monday Mail Bag



Hey you crazy cats! It's me Space Lobster, here to crush you in my mighty pincers! Or Captain Starfaller.

I know you read this blog Captain Starfaller - it must just eat you up inside to know that I'm on my way back to the top and you are dong dinner theater in Hamburg! Ha ha ha! I'll have you know that, due to my increased popularity due to my involvement in this site, I am up for the roll of Polonius in a touring company of Hamlet!

Think about how great it will be when Hamlet shouts out those immortal words "Dead for a ducat, Dead" and his sword shatters on my mighty carapace. Then I will come out of the curtains and, you guessed it, crush Hamlet between my mighty pincers!

Anyway let's look at the comments and mail bag this week and see what we have.

Someone named Justin made a very wrong headed comment I'm afraid, in reference to
last weeks Monday Mailbag.
Ummm... lobster at a sushi joint??? Didn't that make you a smidge uneasy?
Well for one thing they serve lots of things besides Lobster at a Sushi Joint. Sushi doesn't mean Lobster even. It means Fish and Lemon Sauce and Rice and sometimes Seaweed (Japanese is a very economical language).

Secondly, for those of you wondering, I had the tempera vegetables! I was pretty drunk (as a person named Caleb helpfully pointed out), but I was still able to tell the difference been deep fried carrots and Uncle Fester!

I seem to have a lot of energy today!

On to comment number 2. As you all know Pat Robertson called for the death of the President of Venezuela, which just shows he's an amateur. When I was scuttling with the Gang of Four Evils, we planned to assassinate the High Lord Abraxis, supreme ruler of Venus (in episode 3F11 "The Jackal of Venus"). See how that grabs your attention? Just the name itself commands your attention. Now I'm sure this Venezuelan President is a good example of nobility and all, but assassinating him lacks flair.

Anyway Grumbly Muffin wrote on this and her comments provoked a response from Lisa.
Look, this guy is not crazy about us, but he is NOT a terrorist nor has he EVER made any threatening statements. He is really popular in his country and hovers at 70% approval ratings (twice what our glorious leader is at in the polls).

This guy is a socialist who is all about taking the money from the oil companies and the wealthy elites and spreading it around. Whether you agree with that kind of policy or not is beside the point. He is NOT a terrorist or a dictator. He is a democratically elected leader with the support of MOST of his country. And he has NEVER threatened anyone (he called bush the Spanish equivalent of an asshole, but so what).
Well, Ms. Lisa, it wouldn't be very villainous to kill a terrorist or a dictator, would it? If this guy is popular and is helping his people as your comment (and the one by Jody seems to indicate), well that in itself makes him a good target for evil super-villainy!

Also the third in a series of e-mails from gentlemen with Oesophageal cancer (spelled many different ways, I note). Our
first victim of this dread disease was from The UAE, and our second was from Iraq. The latest victim describes himself as "A Bahrain national." In a twist apparently he no longer trusts his family.
I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have leftfor them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Eighteen Million dollars($18,000,000,00) that I have with a finance House abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity organizations.

N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% of this funds must go to the tsunami victims and another 10% for your effort and time.
Two questions present themselves to my mind. One, you find you can no longer place trust in your family members, but you can place trust in people you send random e-mails too? Does your brain work properly? Or is it possible that Oesophageal is another word for Brain?

Also this is quibbling I know, but you claim you want the funds to go to charity except for 10% to me, and 20% to tsunami victims? Maybe your Oesophageal failed to note that giving money to tsunami victims is, in fact, a form of charity.

At any rate I need to get out of here, the audition is in a half hour. Have a nice week all and send in e-mails and comments so I can respond to them!

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