2
Year Anniversary Spectacular - It Does You Good To
Laugh
This is our second
retrospective of the day, looking back at some of my more humorous posts. The
problem with humorous posts is that the jokes are always a little funnier in my
head than they are in execution. Plus of course, humor is subjective, what
might be hilarious to me, might not be as funny to a reader. Still some of
these must be at least a little funny to you. I hope.
There were a few runner ups in this section as well. Such as my expose on
reverse Seven Up, which featured an appearance by Doogie
my late little buddy (January 7, 2003).
There was the music review that might provide a future name for this blog (October 13, 2003).
And there was the time I threatened to punch all my readers in the face (but
didn't actually do it) (March 18, 2004).
To be totally fair I'd also need to include that Interview with Make Me a Commentator!!! but as it is already readily accessible there to
the right, I decided not to.
And now for the top five.
5. May 3, 2003. This is a slightly
scatological story involving a new apartment and . . . well I don't want to
give away the joke.
Helpful Household Hints
This story
is just a little bit scatological. So you've been warned.
I am in the process of changing domiciles. Yesterday I went
to the new place and filled out a bunch of paperwork, and then went and
inspected it with the apartment people. Anyway, after they left, I stayed in
the new place a moment, and, as often happens, I
realized I had a special function in the bathroom I needed to perform.
So I went in there and performed my special function, and
realized something. Unfurnished apartments are not furnished with dozens of
things. And one of the many things unfurnished apartments don't come with is
Toilet paper. So I had to improvise. They did provide a phone book, or I
suppose the phone company did--so I opened it up, and took care of my problem.
Suffice to say, Law firms or attorneys form Bea to Fle should probably not expect a call from me.
Have a nice Saturday.
4. May 18, 2003.
Which was a good month for humor sort of. This is actually a picture of a moo
cow which I photo shopped. I have done several impromptu art shows (most
recently with pictures of lamps) based on photo shop. Not really humorous I
suppose, although the cow is kind of funny looking.
Picture!!
3. October 23, 2003.
On my trip to
New York
Well I went
to the theater last night, and I thought I’d tell you a bit about it so that if
you ever go you can be prepared.
First of all, surprisingly enough, the best time to show up
is about 3 minutes after the performance is due to begin.
They are always a little late anyway, and the full seats
makes it easier to find your seat (it’s the one that nobody’s sitting in
(usually)).
Secondly, you might be concerned that the actors do not
hear your specific applause during the performance—well I’ve got a solution to
that. Wait until the applause dies down, preferably during one of them long
winded speeches. Then start applauding with all your might. I guarantee the
actors will respond.
Went to see the Lion King at the New Amsterdam Theater—let
me clear one thing up right away. It’s not a cartoon—it’s actually a play. You
better know that before you go. I was lost for the first ten fifteen minutes.
The New Amsterdam Theater is beautiful. Nice balconies and
lovely seats. The only deficiency is that the stage is only 4 ½ to 5 feet
across. Made it very hard on the dancers.
Also had a strange experience in the
middle of the play. One of the cast members
signaled to me that they wanted me to get up onstage. I didn’t really
understand at first, but then he used that signal again. So I got up on stage. Well
you wouldn’t believe the ruckus that caused. Once I got up there, those lying
lions claimed I’d never been asked on stage and that I was ruining the play.
Plus people threw stuff at me.
So my advice? Don't get up on stage even if they are pleading with you to do
so. It's a trick.
Other than that, enjoy the theater. And it goes without
saying that this entire article is full of crap. But
hopefully enjoyable crap.
2. January 21, 2003. I
have access to the Wall Street Journal here at work, and I've been amused by
what they put on the front on a slow news days several times. I really enjoyed
finding out that Z is the new S, but this story, about Wolverine being inhuman,
beat it out slightly.
The Wall Street
Journal Makes News
Here's a front page story on Monday's Wall Street Journal.
So the X-men and other super humans are no longer human. This will make it
easier for us normal humans to enslave them. Soon super people will be cleaning
our rain gutters, and making our Cherry Pies. But some humans resist this
glorious future. The Wall Street Journal goes on to print;
In case you are wondering the story is really about how Marvel got it's action figures reclassified as non-human so as to get
cheaper tarrifs. Apparently the judge concluded that
the Mole Man--Foe of the Fantastic Four--was the most human. And perhaps Brian
Wilkinson needs a little firmer grasp of reality.
1. October 26, 2003.
So I'm funniest in May of 2003 and October of 2003. Weird how that works out.
Anyway this is my modest proposal on public urination. Again I'm not sure how
well it came off; I was really angry at the time about the idea that we
shouldn't raise taxes on the wealthy because they figure out ways around them
anyway. So this was my response.
Public Urination; A Modest Proposal
Here is my
proposal. Any body making over $500,000.00 a year or worth over $5,000,000.00
should be immune to any penalties imposed by a municipal, county, state or
federal ordinance prohibiting Public Urination.
Some of you might think that this proposal makes no sense;
I would argue that it is a necessity for
Some might say that we are nation of laws and not men. Balderdash. Do laws make the wheels of industry turn? Do
laws make water come out of our facets or power come out of our generators? Do
laws provide us the food we need to survive? Have laws ever made a car, an
airplane, a tank? No! It is men who have done these things. Wealthy
men. And if a little public urination is what it takes to keep them
working for
Some might say that it is unfair to enforce laws on the
poor and the middle class and exempt the rich. Think if the hundreds of
millions of dollars spent each year on lawsuits already. Everybody knows that
the American Justice System favors the rich. Why not, in this instance, cut
them out. I admit the wealthy may not be guilty of many counts of Public
Urination, but if we can lessen the burden on the court even a little, isn't it
worth it?
Tune in later for five more favorites.