Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Suzi Registered Voter and The "Haters"

- with apologies to Cat Lovers. I am, of course, a Dog Lover.

One day Suzi Registered Voter was walking along. She saw a big crowd of people talking to each other excitedly. Suzi couldn't hear what they were saying but they were waving their arms. One person even got on his chair and raised his hands over his head.

While Suzi was looking at the crowd of excited people, a Conservative Cat walked up and said, "Look at all those people who are filled with hate."

Suzi looked down and saw Conservative Cat and said, "They don't look so hate-filled to me."

Conservative Cat sat on his haunches and said, "Oh they are trying to pretend not to be hate filled, but they all hate President Bush."

Suzi sat down next to Conservative Cat and said, "Oh. I don't like hate-filled people."

Conservative Cat purred a little to itself and said, "Oh well you wouldn't like those people than. You're better off just ignoring them."

Suzi Registered Voter thought a moment, and said, "But how do I know they are hate-filled?"

Conservative Cat looked up at this and said, rather brusquely, "Well I just told you they hate President Bush. They hate him so much they try to hide their hatred. That's why they are smiling over there." He waved a paw over at the crowd of people. "They are thinking of how much they hate President Bush and trying to trick people into thinking they are positive, upbeat people."

Suzi nodded sagely. "That's very tricky. But with your warning, perhaps I should still go over and hear what they are saying."

Conservative Cat leapt at this and landed right in front of Suzi. "Oh no, Suzi. Don't go over there. You don't want to be around such hate-filled liars and hypocrites."

Suzi stood up and said, "Well I can listen for a little while. Look the Big Democratic Dog (and dear readers, I'll leave it up to you to guess who this might be) is going to make a speech."

Conservative Cat hissed and said, "Oh don't listen to him. He's a liar and a cad and a murderer and all kinds of bad stuff. He's the worst of the lot." At this point Conservative Cat began foaming at the mouth. Cats can't usually foam at the mouth, but Conservative Cat managed it just the same. "I hate him. I hate him. I wish he had been killed for all the bad things he did."

Suzi Registered Voter didn't say anything.

After a moment Conservative Cat, in a sulky voice, said, "Anyway he's just trying to steal the thunder of their new candidate. He wants Senator Kerry to lose so his wife (who I hates and hates and hates) can be President."

Suzi Registered Voter didn't say anything, but wondered how Conservative Cat knew so much about what the Big Democratic Dog was thinking.

The Conservative Cat started pacing away, still a little sulkily. "Go over there with the Bush-Haters if you want. Anybody who even looks at those people must hate Bush already, Bush-Hater." Cats have many admirable qualities but they are rarely good sports.

So Suzi Registered Voter walked over just as the Big Democratic Dog was finishing his speech. So this is what Suzi Registered Voter heard.

"In the Civil War, America was at a crossroads, divided over whether to save the union and end slavery-we chose a more perfect union. In the 1960s, America was at a crossroads, divided again over civil rights and women's rights. Again, we chose a more perfect union. As I said in 1992, we're all in this together; we have an obligation both to work hard and to help our fellow citizens, both to fight terror and to build a world with more cooperation and less terror. Now again, it is time to choose.

Since we're all in the same boat, let us chose as the captain of our ship a brave good man who knows how to steer a vessel though troubled waters to the calm seas and clear skies of our more perfect union. We know our mission. Let us join as one and say in a loud, clear voice: Send John Kerry.
"

That didn't sound very hate-filled, Suzi Registered Voter thought, but she realized that she hadn't listened to very much at all. So she stayed and paid attention to the whole convention. And Conservative Cat, high on a perch in a tree in a park near the convention, scowled and made angry growls and hisses.

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