Thursday, May 13, 2004

Delusions

You know what's nice about being a fancy pants editorialist like Ms. Ann Coulter? There's little to no need to do any research at all. Just present the world as you would like it to be, and mock anybody who disagrees with you as dangerously out of touch.

Take Ms. Couter's latest thesis, "Crazy-Like-A-Fox News Viewer." In it she reminds us of two salient facts, that you might have forgotten. There was definitely a connection between al-Queda and we have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Yep. I know some of you might have the impression that the link between al-Queda and Iraq was unproven, but Ms. Coulter has the answer to that.

"Interestingly, liberals refuse to believe Czech intelligence on the Prague meeting ... because the CIA doesn't believe it. Apparently, this is the lone, singular assertion by the CIA that liberals wholeheartedly trust."

So you see, because we have some reservations about the CIA (reservations based at least in part on their inability to see 9/11 coming and the way they totally screwed up the pre-war WMD evidence) we are required to disbelieve everything they say.

Oh wait a second, maybe that pre-war intel was good after all. I mean, according to Ann Coulter, we have found weapons of mass destruction. And Liberals are crybabys. Well, you probably would have guessed that one anyway. You see us liberals mistakenly believed that when President Bush was talking about the need to invade Iraq right away, we assumed it was because these Weapons of Mass Destruction were an immediate threat to us. What children we were. Or to quote Ms. Coulter, "By "weapons of mass destruction," what liberals mean is: missiles pointed at Washington, D.C., with their "Ready to Fire" lights blinking ominously and their warhead payloads clearly marked "Weapons of Mass Destruction! Next Stop, The Great Satan America!" -- basically what you might see on an episode of the original Batman TV series."

What fools we were. What President Bush clearly meant was that we had to invade immediately in order to stop experimentation that might one day lead to weapons of mass destruction (although even that was tricky, given the sanctions).

So, there you have it. According to Ms. Coulter, journalists are whores (I forgot to cover that earlier, but it's in there), Saddam had connections to al-Qaeda (despite the fact that pretty much everybody else on both the right and the left disagrees), and we have found Weapons of Mass Destruction (despite the fact that almost everybody on both the right and the left disagrees). Tune in next week, when we'll find that in Ann's delusions, the Iraq Occupation is smooth selling, Abu Ghraib never happened, and the United Nations declares their new Chairman, Beelezebub.

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