Tuesday, December 26, 2006

My Platform

Mike S. Adams is considering a run for the presidency, and has written an article about a big new entitlement program he's proposing.
So, clearly, if elected president, I must wage my war on liberalism with the goal of somehow getting these liberals to listen to what I'm saying. That is why I plan to provide (at government expense) an unlimited supply of Murine Ear Wax Removal Drops. This Carbamide Peroxide Ear Wax Removal Aid will be given to every man, woman, and child in America upon request. We will even give them to illegal aliens if our budget permits.

I predict that when these stubborn liberals get the wax out of their ears, they will subsequently be able to pull the corn cobs out of their (backsides).

. . . Whoever came up with such a grand idea clearly deserves to be President. I thank you in advance for your vote.
Well first of all I think it's nice for a man wanting to be President of the United States to describe himself as at war with half of us. But let that slide, because I hav even more visionary program. How is it more visionary? It's much cheaper for one.

Let's give Mike S. Adams a hug.

It's clear that poor Mr. Adams feels picked on for his conservative opinions - he feels persecuted like he doesn't have any friends. Well we need to change that! A daily hug will help poor Mr. Adams feel more secure and be less inclined to see enemies everywhere. And the price of paying a designated hugger to hug Mr. Adams would be far less than his ear drop solution.

Oh and I'm not interested in the presidency, although I can see why you might think I'd be a good candidate.

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