Monday, November 28, 2005

Monday Mail Bag



Hey everybody. Hoped you had an enjoyable Gratitude Day.

Oh that's what Thanksgiving is called in the future. Future generations will change the names of all the holidays; more or less just to screw with Time travelers. That's why in the future Thanksgiving is called Gratitude Day, Chistmas is called Festival of Snow, Easter is called Day of remembrance, and Arbor Day is called Christmas (you should see Time traveler's faces when they figure that one out).

Actually we only had one time traveler on the show - Jungle Mike (episode 3F12 "Gorillas on the Moon"). Which was another show on the network run starring one of those hale and hearty types. Anyway he visited our show one time, and Captain Starfaller visited his show another time (episode 1D23 "Stars on the Savannah").

Let's open the bag of comments.

Our first comment comes from Random Goblin, responding to Bryant's
review of a Molly Ivin's article.
It's such a below-the-belt emotional strategy. It takes some very good things about Americans, our patriotism and our love for freedom and our respect and admiration for our service men and women, and attempts to manipulate those qualities to achieve evil ends.
I have to say one of the nice things about being a Lobster is that we don't wear belts. Makes it very hard to get hit below the belt. Take that puny humans. You think you are so hot cause you got spines? Well try and armored carapace and then see how you do! Lobsters Rule!

I'm sorry I am going through the Ancient Ritual of Osh Gosh Begosh which spontaneously renders me as I was in Junior High. Yes I went to Junior High. Shut up!

Our second letter comes from Elayne Riggs, in response to a
Gratitude Day post by Bryant.
I would strongly advise investing in an adequate electric knife; it makes carving a lot easier. We saved the gravy, along with the trimmings, to do a bubble and squeak fry-up tomorrow; we have lots of deli and pickled stuff for that.
I need a carving nice as well. You'd think with my mighty pincers, I wouldn't, but, if you will recall, I use my pincers for crushing, not for cutting. I can crush meat like nothing; but it all ends up looking like a mush.

Still tastes good though, usually.

Anyway turning to the Mail Bag, we have a letter from Odume Kyari. Mr. Kyari's dad was a general in the Congolese Army and was sent to Denmark to buy some arms. While his dad was out of the country, the President was assassinated. He then cancelled his arms buying mission, and deposited $12.5 million in an attache case with a private security firm. Then he returned to the Congo, attended the funeral of the former President, and was promptly captured and tortured until he had a cardiac arrest and died. Poor guy.

Still you have to mark off a few points for cleverness; attending the funeral of a guy assassinated in a coup? How smart does the new regime have to be to figure that one out. They probably tortured and killed all the caterers too.

Anyway apparently Mr. Kyari needs a business partner. His attorney advised him of that, and apparently my name is well known in the congolese embassy in Belgium.
I got your contact from the commercial section of the congolese embassy in Belgium.Meanwhile, I sincerely ask for your assistance to get this money through your account, Your share for assisting us will be 25% of the total sum, 5% will be use for upsetting all the expenses incurred in the course of concluding this venture and the remaining 70% that will be for me and my family.
As previously mentioned I did spend some time in Amsterdam; but I don't think my actions there would lead people to think I would make a good Business Partner. Rather, I seem to remember saying, on more than one occasion, "Have you ever really looked at your claws?"

Anyway, sorry Mr. Kyari, but you are out of luck. No bank account, and Cheery assures me that the company bank accountcan't be used for this kind of operation. Actually I didn't ask her, because, she just might agree to do it. I'm always looking out for the firm.

We also got an e-mail from Lady Best, which I will reprint in full.
Hello
I am Lady best I will like make a order in your store for some items so pls
i will firstly want to know whether you ship to nigeria where my store
resides,and also
my mode of payment is by my company credit card and my shipping method is by
(UPS 0R FEDEX OR EMS) .so pls i will be expecting your mutual email if you
do ship to nigeria.hope to hear from you soonest and also looking forward to
hear from you
Best regards
Thanks
Lady best
We are not currently producing anything except this website; but if we did make anything we would certainly ship to Nigeria. I am still working out the details for selling my Junior Space Minion of Evil badges, so we might ship a few of those to Nigeria, if I ever get that finalized.

Anyway that's it for another week. Hope you all enjoyed this, and remember, if you face a problem, Crush it with Your Mighty Pincers! Or Spine if you happen to be one of those pitiful humans. Lobsters Rule!

No comments: