Monday, November 07, 2005

Monday Mail Bag

Well good afternoon all.

We didn't really get any comments last week; except one that Bryant responded to already. For those interested it's attached to
this post.

I guess I'll use this space that I would normally devote to comments to a short tour of our facility. It's not very nice. Basically we are in a small office complex. It's made of that white stucco like stuff. Anyway there are about three rows of four offices, and we are in the very back. We get a break on our rent because Sunday Night we go around to all the offices and dump their trash. So someone hangs out here on Sunday and waits for everybody else to shut up and then goes around and does that.

It's usually Cheery; she just plays World of Warcraft till it's time. I haven't tried it because it's hard to use a mouse with my claws. And before you ask the next obvious question, my keyboard is specially made.

Anyway we have 5 work stations and an office. The office is The Monsters, but since he's never here, we use it as a phone booth. Whenever anybody has a private phone call, they take it in the office so the rest of us know to surreptitiously listen in. By the way, Cheery's new boyfriend is named Lester and is allergic to shellfish (I like him already).

Anyway the two workstations in front used to be Grumbly Muffin's and Cheery's. Cheery still has the front left station, and the front right is empty for the moment. Bryant has the desk directly in back of Cheery, and I am across from him. Course I only use mine once or twice a week. I did personalize it a little though; I hung a poster from the old show, and I have a small packet of fish guts in one of my drawers. I don't eat them of course; I just leave it there as a surprise for anybody who goes snooping.

Anyway the one behind me is empty, but Durango used it last week. That guy creeps me out. And I imagine the Post Modernist will use it this week. Or he might phone it in the way McIckleson does. I think Cheery is going to clean it out and use it as a lunch area. Puke got Grumbly Muffin a job at the office she works at, just around the corner. So they come over for lunch. Actually things are a lot better between us and Grumbly now that she's not working here. I'm still not allowed to tell you her real name though.

Oh and don't call Puke Ashley. She said that it would upset her if people did that; but rather than going to the trouble of finding the person who said that, she would just find me and pummel me.

Our bathroom, by the way, is spic and span all the time. And behind the office. And we have a little supply room too. And a back door. And that's it. The walls are cream colored, the carpeting is blue and very unpleasant to walk in. It feels like steel wool.

So that's our office. Hope you can imagine it now. Next week I'll tell you what we all look like (maybe).

Anyway to the mail. Here's a cheery letter I am going to reprint in full.
Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire
West Africa


Good morning, sorry to take your time and also to disturb you. Introducing myself, I am miss Beah Denis the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs Ble Yao Denis. I wish to request for your assistance in a financial transaction and I wish to invest in manufacturing and real estate management in your country.

I have Eight million, five hundred thousand united state dollars. USD ($8.500,000) to invest in the transaction and I will require your assistance in receiving the funds in your account in your country. I will gladly give you 15% of the total sum for your assistance.

Please it is important you contact me immediately you receive this mail so that I will give you the procedures on what and how to do this

Awaiting your immediate response for more information and explanations and God bless.


Miss Beah Denis

Note that all the relevant document in regards to this transaction is intact with me. Please I will like us to hasten this transaction up now.
Well I am flattered to be the one you are looking for. It makes me feel warm inside. But I'm afraid Lobster Human Romances just don't work out. I remember when I was working for Madame Spydro (in Episode 2F33 "Spydro, Spydro"). She used her wiles on me and I really thought there were sparks. But when I went to visit her in her sleeping chamber she screamed at me. And later, after I accidentally let Captain Starfaller escape, she tried to have me killed. Luckily I had a contract, and so was able to escape. At any rate I'm sort of seeing someone right now. Plus, as previously noted (repeatedly) I don't have a bank account. Bryant does, come to think of it. Maybe I'll forward this along to him.

Anyway that's all for this week. I'm gong to get back to working on my Self-Help book "How to Crush Life in your Mighty Pincers." I got the idea from the Walrus Tyrant of Io 4, who has since become a successful self help guy. Due to legal restraints I can't fill you in on who it is, but you've probably heard of him.

Anyway have a great week.

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