Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Catalogue of Commentators - Issue 1. Ben Shapiro



Howdy all! My name is Durango and I've been selected to help this here blog review the various commentators out there and give you the skinny on them. I should say that the Doc thinks I'm touched in the head; he says I'm part squintin' cowboy and part singin' cowboy. I think he's loco.

Anyways, the first polecat out of the shoot is a young feller by the name of Ben Shapiro.

Apparently young Ben was a student up at UCLA where he riled people up with his tough talk about affirmative action and liberals. Apparently young Ben feels like young white republican males ain't treated fairly.


I been treated unfairly. Zeke Hardinger tried to steal my mule once. I shot the mule dead and gave Zeke my squint while he scrambled around. He let him stammer out his apology then I plugged him too. I reckon a man should have the chance to apologize 'fore he goes on.

Anyway Shapiro writes columns. He's one of the youngest columnisters ever, apparently. He's also a fiddle player so I reckon he's not totally useless.

Anybody who can play the fiddle is ok with me. I loves the sound of a fiddle wafting on the country air; makes a person feel good. Anyway he's written a lot of columns. Here's one of his more famous quotes.

I am getting really sick of people who whine about "civilian casualties." Maybe I'm a hard-hearted guy, but when I see in the newspapers that civilians in Afghanistan or the West Bank were killed by American or Israeli troops, I don't really care. In fact, I would rather that the good guys use the Air Force to kill the bad guys, even if that means some civilians get killed along the way. One American soldier is worth far more than an Afghan civilian.
I reckon young Ben needs to play his fiddle more; that quote makes him sound mean and black-hearted. A little bit more fiddle playing will make him feel better.

Here's
another one.
You say that Israel's "occupation" has fostered despair in the "Palestinian people" and that Israel must foster hope in order to bring peace. This is backward. It is Palestinian hope, not despair, that causes terrorism.
I been beat up a lot and betrayed by my friends and locked up and shot and all manner of calamity and it didn't make me any more peaceful. Just made me meaner. Still maybe what Shapiro saying is that the only type of enemy he wants Israel to have is the kind what's six feet under. I reckon I can understand that.

He's written two books. One is called "Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth." Yeah that's why I always plugs men of learnin' as soon as I see 'em. Saves time later. The other is called "Porn Generation: How Social Liberalism is Corrupting our Future." I reckon he means them dirty postcards you see sometimes. I always plug anybody I see carrying 'em. Makes it easier to collect 'em. I don't think they have corrupted me any.

Here's what Bryant has to say about this rattlesnake.

Ben's got a one big issue he bangs on a lot about; the blight of the poor white male Republican on our campuses. I think you can tell how much stock I put in his complaints. Beyond that he pretty much takes on whatever anybody else takes on. He doesn't have much unique in the way of content; but he is willing to go a bit further than some of his fellow conservatives. The quote above about not giving a damn about Afghanistan Civilians is something many of his colleagues undoubtedly think; but he was the only one willing to say it.
O.K. Now let me look at this here checklist. We covered his bio, his books, and his bull droppings (by which I mean his quotes). And we got Bryant in. One last thing; a few of our favorite posts on Shapiro's columns.

The first one is from
December 4, 2002, and it's about Shapiros ability to tell the future. Sometimes this here website calls him Boy Prognisticator; this link will tell you why.

On
June 12, 2003, Young Ben compared the President to some form of cooking oil. Turns out he meant it as a compliment. I don't reckon that sounds like a compliment, but not worth kicking about.

On
August 17, 2005, Ben wrote an article about how people was calling him a chicken. I ain't never been called a chicken. Leastwise I ain't never been called a chicken twice.

Well I reckon that's all we got time for. I'll be back in two weeks with another installment of this feature; next week that Post-Modernist fellow gets his shot at it.

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