Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Hi Everybody!!!

Exciting news. We are starting a new contest and welcoming a new commentator into our little fold. We have decided to add a new feature - a catalogue of commentators. We reference commentator all the time you may be unaware of. Even worse, Bryant sometimes makes jokes based on previous posts, confusing many of his readers. How many of you have wondered why he sometimes calls Ben Shapiro "Boy Prognosticator?" Well this new feature will provide a brief review of what the commentator is all about, a few quotes, and a link to some favorite posts about that commentator.

Now obviously we will all have input into these columns, but to host them we want to get somebody new. We've narrowed it down to four possibilities, and we are going to ask our readers to help us make the final selection. But of course we don't expect our readers to work for free; so one person who votes in this poll will have their name drawn from a computer generated hat, and will win a free years subscription to the
website Salon. So without further ado here are our finalists.

Hey jerks.

I'd like to say at the outset that this website makes me sick. It reads like it was written by sub-literate morons; and having met them in person, let me say I'm being generous. I can only assume that most of the readers here are also sub-literate morons drawn by the pretty pictures and crap. Well let me tell you, life isn't that. Life is a pile of crap and it's nothing else. If you think you see something that isn't crap, well you probably need glasses. Anyway I don't really want this job so vote for one of these other jerks.

Bonjour Mes Amis.

I am Jean-Louis Crowley, traveling troubadour. I and my band, Les Haut-Bois (pronounced "Hot Boys") have performed across Europe and (briefly) in America, bringing our distinct blend of Folk, Rock, and Zithers anywhere where people will listen to us. We write songs that gently and tenderly hold your heart as if it were a flower, caressing it tenderly and then ripping it to shreds.

Also I have a deep dark family secret; but I won't be writing about that because it's too personal. I shouldn't have even brought it up, actuallement. But rest assured I will never mention it again.

Also despite a few bits of French slang, I'm from London.

Howdy partners.

Where I come from there's two types of cowpokes. There's the singing kind and the squinting kind. The singing kind sings songs and generally raises the spirits of all around. And squinting kind don't say much but shoots people dead. I reckon I'm one of them Singing Cowboys, but Doc Sawbones says I got me a head ailment.

Doc figures I'm both a singing cowboy and a squinting cowboy and I change randomly. So, unless you want to be six feet under, you'll mind your step with me. I don't give warnings and I don't miss and I like putting people down. I know I'm a bad man.

So anyway partners, let's all gather round and sing us some tunes.

Hello this is Maple Roberts, secretary to Mr. Alaistar Niedenmaker, also known as the Post Modernist. Unfortunately he has been called away and requested I make a short introduction on his behalf. He's busy fighting the Ghost of El Greco in a steel cage match somewhere in Baja California. What a bother!

Anyway Mr. Niedenmaker is a brilliant scientist, having had his brain amplified by an accident involving an electrical transformer and an unpublished sonnet by William Shakespeare. He is also a man of action, having been raised by Tree Frogs. So I'm sure he will be able to add a lot to your enjoyment of this website.

So those are our four possibilities. Please write the name or names of the ones you like best and either email them to us (politicalcombryant@gmail.com ) or leave them in the comments section. If you leave it in the comments section, be sure to leave an e-mail address so we can send you your prize if you win. Also we will be paying attention to those numbers that tell what computer you are using; only 2 votes per computer please.

No comments: