Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Monday Mail Bag (on Tuesday)



I'm sorry. Taking a Rhythmic Gymnastics Class at the Y and missed my bus so was unable to do my Monday Mail Bag yesterday.

First of all, let's turn to the comments section of one of our posts earlier this week.
Of course, there's no need to analyze why terrorists attack America. They're evil and they hate our freedoms.

Duh!
This was from some one named Random Goblin. Actually I think there was a Random Goblin who appeared in one of the episodes of Captain Starfaller. I wasn't in that one, I don't think, but he had the power to warp reality? Now that I think about it, I'm surprised we didn't recruit him for the Space Hyenas - seems like that would be a useful power.

Anyway my experience has been that if creatures are evil they generally look evil. Like me I'm a giant space lobster with big pincers. I look as evil as they come. Humans can be evil, at times, but generally have more than one motivation. Still, I'm not sure my experience fits in this situation.

I also got a
second letter from Mr. Ahmed Bello.
I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. A contract employers- Teaser Petroleum Corporation made a numbered time Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$12,500,000.00 (Twelve Million Five Hundred United States Dollars) in my bank. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally discovered from his contract employers, Teaser Petroleum Corporation that MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Munich Germany died in a plane crash along with his entire family in July 2000.

. . . Since we got this information about his death and on further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. . . . This sum of US$12,500,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of Senegal, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Senegalese Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Andreas Schranner so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.
How devious! Yes you know how to push my buttons, Mr. Bello. A chance to steal the astronomical sum of $12,500,000 dollars and thumb my feelers at a legitimate government at the same time? How could I refuse?

I must admit this is not my preferred way of committing crime however. Have you considered using my mighty pincers to crush the safe (along with any security guards and possibly Captain Starfaller)? At any rate, this particular plan is unlikely to succeed, because, as a fictional character, I do not actually have a bank account.

The third letter of the week comes from Mr. Abu Al-Karmel, and it concerns matters in Iraq.
My aim of writing you is to seek for your kindness assistance to allow me quickly transfer the sum of US$15.million dollars, into your account. It will interest you to know how this huge sum amount of funds came about.About two days before the United State and British, bombing began, Saddam Hussein, ordered his youngest son, Qusay, to remove the sum of US$1.billion (£640 million) from the Central Bank of Iraq (CBI) The cash which was loaded on to three lorries.

That memorable day Qusay and a senior aide to the former president Saddam Hussein delivered the instruction in person to the bank's governor of the Central Bank of Iraq (CBI). And the money was removed without proper official documentations. The money was not debited. It was just remove from the foreign reserve vault. This illegal withdrawer created opportunity for our staffs working in the foreign payments department. We hastingly remove from the vault the sum of US$75.million, which we shared among ourselves working in the department, five in number. My share was US$15.million, the deal which was absolutely successfully.

Then,after the fall of Saddam,a Finance Company based in Jordan assisted me to move the fund as a Bond Deposit into Bank in UK.Due to recent probe in our Apex Bank,i decided to leave and i am under cover in SENEGAL -AFRICA

What I needed now is your "TRUST" HONESTY and TRANSPERENCY" since i would want you to receive the money into an account from the U.K Bank.I will also front you in any kind of investment that we might decide to enter later.
I have to say there are a lot of things to like in this letter. I particularly enjoy the total lack ofadherencee to the rules of grammer. Criminals like us should not be bound by the laws of grammer than we should be bound by the laws of the Federated Organizations Of Outer Space (FOOOS). And I applaud your evil in stealing from the poor Iraqis who have been through so much.

I also enjoyed your putting "Trust" in quotation marks. Of course such villains as us cannot trust each other in any real sense. But we can pretend, eh? And such pretensions make life so much easier!

Unfortunately, my lack of a bank account, once again stymies my ability to commit crime. Maybe you should come up with a crime that calls for a Space Lobster and his mighty pincers instead of crimes that involve having bank accounts? Just a suggestion.

And that's it for another week. Remember to send in your letters
here or simply post comments in the posts, and I will respond to them on Mondays!

So goodbye for another week, and remember, "I will crush Captain Starfaller with my mighty pincers!"

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